Fresh Starts

there. must. be. more.

So…I’m having one of those days when I think, “there MUST be more to life than this”.  And I’m giving myself the stank face.  There’s got to be more than watching this freaking computer screen from morning ’til evening in this miserable little home office that I absolutely adored a year ago.  I want to punch myself in the face repeatedly for the shade of blue I picked out for the walls and rip down all my little inspirational vision board memos I have in front of my face for…inspiration.

I do not feel inspired today.  I feel useless.  And behind – way behind – the elusive, invisible, stupid power curve.   Who made up the “power curve” anyway?  Some stupid guy or girl or guy-girl team. I feel alone because there’s no one – and I do mean no one – in my circle I can talk to about this.  Everyone doesn’t get me.  Not even the 2 people in my circle.

My circle sucks.

Oh, to find like-minded people.  People who understand Speak. Write. Pray.  People who get that I do in fact love God but can indeed express myself like this.  I’m not crazy.  I just want more.  I sense it, like it’s right there in front of my nose but I can’t touch it.  Like virtual reality goggles.  You think that butterfly is really within reach.  But then you pop Aunt Ethel in the eye while you’re reaching for it because, no, your not in a beautiful green meadow.  You’re in your living room on Christmas Day trying out your new virtual reality goggles.

Dreams.  Elusive, yet persistent.  Won’t stop calling me but won’t seem to let me catch them.

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